“Your teen gets straight A’s, aces AP classes… but their college essay misses the mark. Why?”
Teenagers getting ready to write their personal essay for college face a lot of pressure from this task, and can feel anxious and unprepared. Often, students have never had to write about themselves in a vulnerable, open way before. Even strong students often struggle with the personal essay—not because they aren’t capable, but because they approach it like another school assignment. Here are five common missteps to avoid.
Pitfall #1: Writing a Resume in Paragraph Form
Students have a place in their application to detail their extracurricular achievements. They should not rehash those in the essay. The essay is really a place to give insights into your strengths, your values, and your interests, not just your accomplishments. It’s better to tell a story — or a few small stories — that show who you are in the context of your community, family, or other environment. Repeating information that is in another part of your application would waste the opportunity to tell the admissions committee even more about you.
Pitfall #2: Choosing a “Safe” or Overused Topic
Your child might want to write about something that they have a lot to share about: sports victories, mission trips, or how they learned the importance of working hard. These topics can feel flat or predictable, and frankly, admissions officers have seen these a million times. While I will say that no topic is off-limits, these safer topics are only worth writing about if your child has a unique and uncommon take on it. I encourage students to start by listing their values, then dig deeper on a topic to pair it with one of their values to find a unique angle. But, they can also start with something else. Last year, my students had some incredibly creative essay themes: a student’s love of weather patterns, unique findings in a student’s jeep, and how the obsession of a professional sports team connected family members across generations.
Pitfall #3: Trying to Impress Instead of Connect
It’s tempting to think that the college essay is a chance to prove how “smart” you are. Students often fall into the trap of using big words, formal phrases, or complicated sentence structures to sound impressive. But here’s the truth: admission officers aren’t grading your vocabulary—they’re looking for your voice.
When you try too hard to sound intellectual, your writing often ends up feeling stiff, unnatural, and—worst of all—distant. You risk hiding the real you behind layers of forced language. Words like “plethora,” “juxtaposition,” or “ameliorate” might sound fancy, but if they’re not words you’d ever say out loud, they won’t help your story resonate.
Authenticity is what makes your essay stand out. You don’t have to be overly casual, but you do need to be real. Write the way you speak when you’re telling someone something that matters to you. Let your personality come through. That’s what connects with readers—heart, honesty, and a clear sense of who you are.
Remember: It’s not about impressing them. It’s about helping them remember you.
Pitfall #4: Missing the “So What?” Moment
Many college essays do a great job telling a story—but forget to explain why that story matters. A beautifully written anecdote about a soccer game, a science fair, or a family dinner can still fall flat if it doesn’t include reflection. The missing ingredient? The “so what?” moment.
Telling us what happened is description. Telling us why it mattered—how it changed you, what you realized, what it revealed about your values—that’s reflection. And that’s the part that makes your essay meaningful and memorable.
Helping your teen get to the heart of their story often requires gentle, thoughtful questioning. Here are a few prompts that can guide deeper thinking:
- What did you learn about yourself through this experience?
- Did your perspective change—and if so, how?
- How did this shape what you care about today?
- Would you do anything differently now, and why?
- Why do you think this moment stuck with you?
Encourage your teen to take their essay one layer deeper. The insight behind the story is what gives it purpose—and shows colleges who they’re really admitting.
Bottom line: The story is just the setup. The reflection is the takeaway.
Pitfall #5: Getting Too Much (or Too Little) Help
I cannot stress this enough: YOUR CHILD should write their essay. Not grandma, not dad, and most definitely not ChatGPT. Your child is the one going to college, and they should tell the college all about their own awesomeness. Well-meaning adults can edit out the student’s voice with too much help. Conversely, students who don’t get any feedback might not share enough about themselves. Find the right balance of support: help your child brainstorm if they want your help, offer some content feedback after the first draft or two, and then let them get to it.
Conclusion: Good Students Can Write Great Essays—With the Right Guidance
If your teen is a strong student but struggling to write a standout college essay, take heart—this is a learnable skill. Great essays aren’t about using fancy words or having the most dramatic story. They’re about honesty, insight, and a clear sense of self—and those things can be nurtured with the right support.
Encourage your teen to start early, reflect deeply, and resist the urge to write what they think colleges want to hear. The best essays come from students who take the time to get real with themselves, and then have the courage to share that with others.
And if you’re unsure how to guide your teen through that process—let’s talk. Helping students find their voice and tell their story is what I do.
